Debate

大概因為最近剛讀完英文小說，所以滿腦子都是英文的說話方式，有點不知道該怎麼把自己的想法用中文傳達？

再加上最近看的那套書實在是太多人在討論，所以知道我在說什麼的，知道就好，名字我就不再提了。

((天哪‧‧‧突然覺得不會用中文思考了？？！！))


因為這次的 obsession，所以常在各種網頁和論壇晃來晃去，對於各種不一樣的人，有很多不一樣的想法‧‧‧天哪！必須要放棄用中文寫這篇文章‧‧‧完全像英文不夠好時要寫英文文章時的狀態！就讓我繼續用英文寫吧 @.@

Yes, now, this is easier. Due to my recent obsession, I've been going around the web, searching for all sorts of related stuff to "you know what". There was a site that I stumbled upon being extremely funny, but I don't think I'll share the site here, people interested can ask me by email or msn etc. The site is with more obsessed people than I am, but in a different way I guess, more towards the actor who portrayed "the" role rather than the role itself. Nevertheless, it's extremely funny.

Other than that, there's heated discussion on the book everywhere, and amazon.com's the one that I'm talking about. People are discussing whether the main characters are having an abusive relationship or not? I don't really want to join the heated discussion, so I'm writing it in my own blog, as a record for my own record.... Also because this blog was not intended for too many people to stumble upon on. Now let's go back to what I was talking about. Abusive relationship or not? I do remember reading some of the stalking parts, thinking to myself that OMG! This is creepy, but at the same time, I was amazed by how someone you like so much is also so obsessed with you. Of course it would've been a nightmare if you didn't feel the same way about the other person, but in this case, they both feel strongly towards each other. Still, I do remember thinking at the time that someone stalking me in my own bedroom would creep the hell out of me. So, why didn't this bother me that much? Maybe because this is fiction and for what he "is"?

Writing this in English is difficult too.... so many words I can't type.... hoping it won't draw attention to my blog in anyway @.@

Sometimes I feel scared for liking the book so much, because it reminds me of the sort of abusive emotional relationship I had, and one I'm still not completely over. The abusiveness was unintentional on both party I think, and sometimes I think I was the more abusive one in someway? Even though I was the one who suffered more I think, since I was the one not functioning properly in those years. I don't like to think myself being abusive, but I think I was quite obsessed with him. Sigh... All this sayings about healthy relationships, I still think it only happens when the love towards each other is equal amount, otherwise it's so easy for one person to feel insecure and therefore leading into obsession one way or the other.

This is getting complicated.... Do I still want to go on for this post?

I still love their relationship I think, probably because I've always wanted to feel so strongly about someone, and having someone to think and feel the same in return. There was a guy who just turned up in the middle of the night and expecting to see me a few years back, and it scared the hell out of me at the time! But I've always thought, if it was someone I really liked, would I have thought of it more like a sweet surprise? That answer seems highly positive.

I think I'm not a feminist, I don't really see female and male are being the same thing, we think differently and are different physically. Not that I don't agree on equal rights, don't get me wrong! But I don't think being looked after or submissive is being unequal. Some people or more comfortable in making decisions than others. We are all so different, to make a concrete rule like that, seems silly to me.

ooh...I don't know where I'm going with this, and the writing is getting so clumsy with so many repeated words @.@

Isn't reading fantasy books suppose to be fun and relaxing? I shan't think about this any further @.@ I'm the type who likes good ending in movies etc, and prefer things not to be realistic in films. Well, isn't it enough to just live one reality, why put yourself through more during your leisure time? Isn't that suppose to be an escape from reality? Yes...I think I'll just leave it like that. Why analyse an escape to reality.

((ten minutes later))

I found someone just called it "obsessively loving". Yes, this is exactly what I thought when I read the books. Something I felt, and wished it went on, or wondered what it would have been like, and also yes, I do see the unhealthy side of it, but still, that doesn't stop me from wondering. Then she talked about finding a Jacob. I have to say, that really is what I thought! When I was reading the second book, I felt the girl's pain, it was like how I felt, and then I wondered if I was waiting for someone like Jacob to heal me, and the thought of being able to be healed was promising. I guess I just really felt the heroin's emotions, because she felt what I felt. It was like seeing myself in the book, how miserable and hopeless, and I knew how unhealthy it was, still, not able to not feel that way. Hmmmph... I really should stop talking about this, I don't think it's making much sense to anyone but myself. Haha. *(wince)*